Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Life As A Stepmom

Yes indeedee, there's just something about being a stepmom. The world is full of us stepmoms. Heck, even I have one! Truth be told, at this point in my life I'm not terribly sad to have missed out on the stretch marks, labor pains, diaper changing, spitting up, and teething that go hand in hand with being a mom. I think for a time it bugged me that friends around me were having babies and I wasn't. I find it funny, in a strange sort of way, that I still get questions from people I meet asking if Dan and I have any children of our own. Nope, I am "stepmom" to 3 boys! Dan still wonders if I would have married him had I really known then what I was getting myself into. I didn't miss out on the dreaded "teenage" years, that's for sure, and fortunately, we're within striking distance of having survived them! I know anyone who is currently a parent of a teenager can empathize. :)

God obviously knows I am a perfect fit for kids...I ended up being a teacher, didn't I? But little did I know back then that God had even bigger and more important plans for me. Wasn't it 75 year old Abraham who laughed at God when he appeared to him and declared that Abraham would be a father to a great multitude of decendants? I'm pretty sure that if God had showed up on my doorstep in my mid-twenties and told me someday half of my liver would be donated to a 16 year old boy nicknamed Dinsker, I would have laughed too.

As a step parent, you are often faced with no-win situations. You are responsible for parenting the kids, but you really have no credibility when it comes to discipline. I can't remember how many times I've heard "You're not my mom", "You're so mean", or "I'm going to live with my mom". I always tried to not take those comments too personally. . . No, I am not your mom, but you still live in my house, and I expect you to respect me.

On the other hand, I can't even to begin to list how many wonderful experiences I've had being a stepmom. I have fond memories of making (and eating) cookies with Cayden. He loved to help me in the kitchen when he was younger and was always the "cooker" of the 3 boys. He and I shared the same affinity for Sponge Bob, watching that naiive little sponge and his silly friend Patrick Star on the couch together for hours on end...Cayden's "soap parties" in the shower...Yelling my head off while watching both Cayden and Taylor play baseball...Helping with elementary school projects...Having "the sex talk" with one of the boys (To prevent embarassment, I'll leave it a mystery as to which one that was!)...Driving to Arlington every weekend to watch Bryan play basketball during his senior year (also yelling my head off)..Family movie nights with plenty of popcorn and laughter...Camping vacations with late night escapades with boys scaring the heck out of the other campers...and the list goes on and on. These days, if all the boys are in the house, you can pretty much guarantee I'll be laughing so hard I cry.

A mom loves her children because they are a part of her. I thank God that the boys' mothers have allowed me to be a part of their children's lives. As a stepmom, I love my husband's "boys" because I love their dad. I love them because they have made me laugh, made me cry, made me mad (yes, I know you can't possibly believe that), and they have stolen my heart. While it's true, I didn't give birth to any of my "boys", there's no doubt that I have been abundantly blessed by having them in my life. There was never a doubt in my mind that I would give part of my liver so that Cayden could live a healthy and normal life. He might not be my blood, but I love him as if he were. I can only hope that those boys know how very much I love them.


  1. That was wonderful Amanda! Aaron has been all of those things to my two boys, and there are some many good and not so good memories, but all full of love. Your story Choked me up just a little :) Have a wonderful day! All of our love coming your way. Aaron and Carla

  2. :) Thanks guys...lots of love back to you both!