Friday, March 26, 2010

One Month To Go Mark

From the moment I woke up this morning, I was very aware that today was March 26th. As I lay there, I wondered...what would I be doing at this exact time (5:30 a.m.) one month from now? Would I be on my way to the hospital to check in? Would I already be there waiting? How would I be feeling? Nervous or petrified? How will I do knowing that Dan will be with Cayden just prior to surgery? Since I am checking in at the adult side of Stanford, will I even get to see Cayden before we both go under? I've thought about that one a lot. I want to be able to be with him for a bit before it's time for the big event. I suspect Cayden may have to go into the hospital the night before to receive both platelet and fresh frozen plasma transfusions prior to surgery. This was pretty much par for the course while he was both at Mary Bridge and Stanford the last time. His spleen traps a lot of the platelets, so his platelet count is about 1/3 of a normal person's count, which happens to be much better than it was prior to his vascular surgery in February. What this means for him is that he has a hard time clotting, which, as one could imagine, is not a good thing when going into a major surgery.

You know, I really haven't had much experience with surgery, wisdom teeth taken out and a ruptured ovarian cyst last year (no, not at the same time!), but what I do remember is that I start shaking uncontrollably before they give me the anesthesia in my IV. I'm thinking an anti-anxiety med might be in order!

On the 19th, I have my appointment with my surgeon, Dr. Esquivel, who happens to be the head of the entire liver transplant program. On my "itinerary" it says that this is the time to ask the surgeon specific questions about the actual surgery. First of all, I have to laugh at the reference to "itinerary". To me, a big travel fan and honeymoon planner on the side, an itinerary implies that you are going on a trip and should be doing something fun...hmmmm, surgery prep, fun? I just can't wrap my brain around that one. Anyway, I haven't decided how much specific information I really want to know. I like to think that I do much better when I have ALL of the information, I'm thinking in this case, less info might be better for me (see my post regarding to my "squeamishness"). We'll see about my state of mind when the time comes. I'll get back to you on the 19th and let you know what I decided to ask and what I decided to leave a mystery!

I've vowed to myself that I will do nothing school-wise tomorrow. My next week is so full of school stuff. I know all my school friends are now on Spring Break mode, but I already stayed in the building until after 6 tonight trying to get organized, so I think a day off is definitely in order.

That's it for tonight!


  1. Honey,
    I will do my part to ensure that you and Cayden will be allowed to see one another before the surgeries. I will also do everything I can to be with you when you need me. I KNOW that you and Cayden will each "need me" at different times so that I will be there for both of you at exactly the right time 8-^)

  2. Hey Amazing Amanda, Cayden, & Family!

    I have been pouring over your blog and just wanted to let you know that you, Cayden, and the rest of the family are in my thoughts and prayers throughout this whole ordeal.

    Poor little Cayden, uhg! Now that I have a baby of my own I have a whole new perspective on parenting and can imagine just how you (and Dan) must feel. Just as you & Dan have, my Husband and I would JUMP head first, no questions, to support our girl...and without doubt be just as anxious and emotional about the "itinerary" as you are Amanda. It is normal and what you are doing for your step-son is graceful, brave, loving, and just so Amanda ;o).

    I know you and love you just as many others do. I have the greatest respect for you as a person, friend, and educator (and teaching role model). Stay strong but don't you dare be too tough and not allow yourself the freedom and right to bawl like a baby WHENEVER the mood strikes. You have too many shoulders to cry on to let them go to waste. ;O)

    All My Love & Support - Alicia
    C: 206-713-7547